I’m in Erie, PA as I write. My sister is having open heart surgery tomorrow morning. I’m full of thoughts. It’s been a turbulent month or two. My sister is four years younger than me. I’m really concerned for her of course, and travelled to Erie to support her and let her know she’s important and loved. She really turned her life around a couple of years ago. I’m not really comfortable talking about her problems but I consider it a success story. She had a bad alcohol problem. I don’t know of any other “problems” but the alcohol consumption seemed to be the central one.
She is a mother of four. The first child given up for adoption when she was 16 came back in to her life when the girl turned eighteen. My sister was married long enough to have 3 more kids in her 20’s and 30’s. I think she had been drinking since before the first kid? I was away at college when she became pregnant the first time and my family has never been very communicative, I have very few details. I never felt that connected to her or even my parents once I left Erie at 18. Well, at least how I thought I should feel connected to them. I always considered Erie home for at least the first fifteen years after I left. I still call my parents once a week since I moved to NYC in 1990.
My sister got sober about three years ago. A guy she was dating was sober and has a fantastic sense of humor right out of the 1970’s. Meaning, “tough love”, and “do your thing”, and being a wicked ball-buster. He somehow inspired her to get sober. They got married just over a year ago. My sister had struggled for decades from self-inflicted problems due to alcohol. I was so happy to reunite with the emerging funny young woman I knew before I left home. Today she has a good job, a loving husband, and a fantastic new house. I can have actual conversations with her.
The last few years I’ve been reminded over and over how delicate we are. Joints are stiffer, eye site not as good, coordination has had some problems, hair is falling out at an alarming rate… I see people my age with all kinds of ailments. I see younger people with all kinds of ailments! The rockstars and celebrities of my youth are dying. I entertain the idea that my pains aren’t so bad when you see how rough some people have it, but they still hurt. I get that existential thought about being aware that we’re all mortal etc. What am I?? ten? I explored all those thoughts when I was a teenager.
Contemplating your eventual demise is always depressing. As it probably should be? Unless you are in to that shit. Weirdo, quit reading this! I find it hardest to put myself in the position of the one dying. Who knows how to die? I don’t think there’s a wrong way I guess, but some might be more awkward than others.
Update: My sister’s surgery went well. Triple by-pass. She went from zero heart surgeries to starting out with a triple by-pass. Sounds greedy to me, but she nailed it. Well, I guess the surgeon had something to do with that. She just held still. I gave her that advice before she went to the hospital, no sudden tambourine playing! I know what’s what. (eye roll, wink emoji) I wander if I eye roll live as much as when I write? Anyway, I was hoping to have a good update to complete this note.
So glad to hear she's doing well after the surgery, Fred! Hang in there. It's tough dealing with life and life threatening events all the time. Your hair loss is miniscule compared to mine so think positively!
Regards,
Neil
Ah. Good catch still have not delivered. Oh. Maybe I can make a spectacle when I go back with it. At opera/song event now. 😀 Juan and Adriana before an overflow crowd.